The transition from apartment life to single family home, from family nearby to now 1,400 miles away, from a full time working mom to a stay at home mom, from having friends, connections and routines to feeling isolated and alone. And now the transition from having all three toddlers to have one student and two toddlers. The only thing that I can be certain about in my life is that my life is always in transition. And for someone who typically doesn't welcome change or cope with it well, I have done a major overhaul on my life and I often feel like I am drowning without a life jacket.
My first born has entered Pre-K on the Elementary School campus. The sweet and tender memories of her birth and those first moments with her feel like just yesterday.
Now, she is a vivacious, outspoken, intelligent, adventurous, sponge who seeks the world wholeheartedly for all it has to offer and all that she has to give. And with this big step she has grown to one more milestone and needs me just a fraction less.
We went to Meet The Teacher night and she couldn't be more excited and beside herself for her new adventure. I, on the other hand, tried my best to show only excitement and happiness on the outside for her but on the inside I was terrified, questioning every parenting and educational decision we have ever made for her. Troy and I had very serious conversations about the possibility of homeschooling and what that would mean for me and our family. I am up for the challenge but don't feel like it would be best for Aubrey, at least not yet. I prayed and prayed about where she should be, where my heart should be, and where I needed to focus my attention. God made it known to me in obvious ways that Aubrey is energized by people, desired friends and needed routine that with three young children I just couldn't provide. She had asked to go back to school and she was obviously bored at home without enough challenge or like minded, aka same aged small people, to interact with. Troy and I had long conversations and I shed many tears discussing the possibilities and where our path was taking us and especially Aubrey. So I loaded her up in the car and headed to Target for her back to school clothes shopping. We picked out a few new outfits and the necessities from her classroom supply list and ran full force into Pre-K.
The night before Pre-K started Aubrey could hardly contain herself from the excitement. We practiced over and over again what her name is, my name, her Daddy's name and her teacher's name, all vital information if she gets lost or hurt. She had it down cold but the worry was still sunk at the pit of my stomach. The alarm went off at 6:45 am the next morning, her first day of school. Her head popped off her pillow so fast I thought she was only pretending to sleep. She got herself dressed in the pre-picked outfit from the night before, ate breakfast, hair up, teeth brushed, shoes on and out the door as a family we walked Aubrey to her first day of school.
And did I tell you that my girl has some serious goals? She wants to be a mommy to 5 babies, a doctor and a scientist "because I can do anything I want and I can do all of it if I want to." Rock on baby! Keep that ambitious spirit and I will be your biggest cheerleader along the way. (Although we will have to have a serious talk about student loans and cost of childcare some day.)
Olivia talked about how much she was going to miss Aubrey while she was at class and Aubrey reassured her that some day she will get to go to her own big girl class but today was her turn because she was big already and that she was going to have a Mommy and Daddy day. Aubrey told her she would miss her and that she would see her really soon. It was amazing to see Aubrey give so much encouragement, have so much wisdom and empathy for Olivia. Their sweet conversations among themselves make this Mama heart proud.
I had pre-processed the first day of school and the fact that I was dropping off and leaving my baby girl with a stranger in a strange place. I had cried my tears and although the worry was still very real and present I actually didn't cry after dropping her off. Missing her ached in my heart immediately.
Troy usually processes things after things happen. I am the worrier before things happens and he processes after so he was caught up with emotion that day. Seeing his baby grow up and dropping her off was no easy task for this protective and proud Daddy.
At pick up time we were all there at the door waiting for it to swing open. Back pack on, sitting on her name square, Aubrey waited for her name to be called by Ms. Wolfe to give their good bye high fives and into my arms she ran. She gave Daddy a quick hug and immediately demanded to know where Olivia was because she "missed my Sissy so much!" She pulled her My First Day of Pre-K drawing out of her backpack and said "here Sissy! I made this for you while I was in class!" Ummmm, does she not understand that I am the Mama, that I gave her life and she is supposed to give me the art work? Have I seriously been demoted already? She isn't even a teenager yet! And that started a trend - from that first day until now any time she brings home her work it is immediately given to Olivia.
We talked about her day, her new friends, what she learned and the activities she did. We ended it with a first day of school 7-11 Slurpee treat for Aubrey and Doritos for Olivia! Landon just came along for the ride.
She loves going to school. She gets up every morning eagerly looking forward to going to Ms. Wolfe's class with her friends. The importance for Aubrey to go to Pre-K was less about being educationally prepared (we do a lot of homeschooling activities at home) but more about classroom preparedness and routine. Most days she does great. Some days she comes home with notes of behaviors that were less than extraordinary, which is obviously heart breaking for me. No one wants to have
that kid in class and we work diligently at home to discuss what she did that wasn't a good choice, what she can do better next time, and explain what Ms. Wolfe's and our expectations are of her. I am so thankful for this experience and everything she is learning. Watching your child have life lessons and not being there to jump in to handle or even save her in that moment is quite an experience, not one for the weak of heart.
And so our #FaithJourneyCAtoTX continues.
